What’s holding you back? Where do the fears and doubts you experience come from?
According to many behavioral psychologists and modern philosophers like Ken Wilber, our ego (sense of self) is built in childhood. Between the age of 2 and the end of adolescence, we develop a personality that helps us make sense of the world. Heavily influenced by society, family, friends, and education to name a few, we create a “version” of ourselves that best fits the environment that we were brought up in (please refer to Becoming for more on building ego).
But this process is flawed because more often than not, children end up taking responsibility for what they cannot explain. They feel responsible for their parents’ divorce, for not caring enough, not being good enough to fix a bad situation or help a loved one. And because there is no rational explanation or justification for any of it, the guilt and blame gets buried in the subconscious mind were it festers. Fast forward years later and that sense of guilt has grown into a full-fledged belief that controls our lives and seems impossible to overcome.
Plagued by self-loathing for years, I had a really hard time approaching self-growth from a non-critical point of view. I thought that, if I changed enough, I would grow to eventually like myself. But nothing I did was ever good enough and felt trapped in a vicious cycle. Until, one morning, I was “inspired to take care of the child” (I ask for guidance before I go to bed when I feel stuck and these were the words that popped in my head the next morning). I wasn’t quite sure what that meant but being the practical gal that I am, I decided to look into it and give it a try. After all if believes and personal demons were created in childhood, didn’t it make sense to heal them at the source?
So I started working on a self-compassion practice I found online called “loving the child”. Born of mindfulness and loving Kindness teachings, loving the child is an meditative exercise that helps us send love to the child we once were. This exercise helps us get in touch with the unresolved emotions that might still be trapped inside our bodies. By sending love and compassion to the child we were from a grown up vista, we can begin to disassociate from the events that caused us pain. We can choose to send ourselves all the love we needed back then and take an active approach to healing and self-growth.
At first, this practice seemed scary and overwhelming to me. After all I wasn’t exactly in the habit of loving myself. But I kept sending the little girl I once was, all the love and empathy I knew she had so desperately needed. Then one day I realized that I was at peace with myself. But the real breakthrough came when I finally recognized that to become the person I wanted to be I had to honor the person I was. Loving the child was the bridge that brought me to that realization and set me free. Maybe it can help you too.
“Join Holistic Healer Syma Kharal as she shares why childhood wounds can create blocks and negative patterns in your adult life, keeping you from manifesting the loving relationships, abundant success and complete happiness that you deserve. Then, reconnect with your inner little girl or boy in a powerful healing meditation.” YouTube exert
Much love: Sandrine
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